The Point

Wow, that sounds like a good movie title.
Never mind.

My wife was talking to me the other day, and mentioned she felt something was missing in our lives. Now, we are currently staying with my parents temporarily while our house is finished. My first thought was that yes, we are missing something: our own place to live!

Now and again, most people ask the question- what's missing in my life? It's very similar to another question- and often linked- am I missing the point?

I thought about that last night. My career isn't where I want it. My schooling isn't where I want it. Things just aren't working out like I had antipicated. So I ask, what's the point of all this? All the things I've wanted?

So I consider the things I'm working for. As I said, we're building a house, and that is a large part of my hopes and goals. I also would love a hot shot job for a big company. I want a boat. I want to go on vacations. I want to have time with my family. I want, I want, I want!

It's normal, even good, to want something better. If not so, we'd wallow in our sorry state and never progress. But as I look at this list, I realize how pathetic it is. My nice new house is not going to do me any good when I'm 6 feet under, nor is that boat or job.

So what on earth am I working towards in this life? If all those material things aren't lasting, what are the things that matter most?

Scores of conference talks and scriptures address this subject, so I won't even try to be an authority on it. But I will, however, share my feelings and take on it. What matters most is our relationships with others.

I love funerals. There, I said it. They have an incredible way of bringing you back down, putting you in your place and giving a clear perspective on life. And they motivate you to be someone better than you are.

In a book I recently read, it went in great detail to a young man's funeral after he took his own life. What impressed me was how no one spoke of his fancy job or car, or the sweet condo he had in San Francisco. Rather, they talked about personal interactions with him, and the effect of his influence.

This is what matters. Everyday relationships. The car, house, boat, job... mean nothing. But when I reach out and help mow a widow's lawn, or visit a friend who is sick, or  whatever else I may choose to do, I am suddenly doing something that will make a difference.

Would it be nice to have a boat? Sure. An expensive sports car would also be a dream come true. But the best place to be is using what we have been given to bless, lift and enrich the lives of others. I hope I can do better getting there.

Straight or Wavy?

I acted a little weird last night.

Okay, we can escalate that to really weird.

I think last night I was a dealing with a little bit of depression, and almost a bit of self-identity crisis. As I thought about that, I realized a few moments ago that my self esteem, my perception of myself and how happy I am with that, varies. I used to think there's a line, a bar, of what level you like yourself. I like myself, I'm glad I'm me, or I don't. It was a definitive thing that was black and white, and didn't change. I always considered myself on the positive side with good self esteem.

I found today, however, that it isn't so much a bar, but more of a winding road. 

My perception of myself is a fluid thing. It is fragile, egotistical, and powerful. It changes from week to week, day to day, sometimes hour by hour or minute to minute, anchored largely by what others think and say.

Last night I didn't think highly of myself: I haven't exercised in far too long, my hair is thinning out, my awesome tan is almost gone. I wish the list ended there, but it doesn't. I felt like a crappy dad, a worse husband, and wondered what on earth am I doing with my life. I think those thoughts have carried over a little into today- I'm not "comfortable in my own skin" today.

One thing has helped me today, however- I am a son of God.

I grew up singing "I am a Child of God," and it became cliche. I don't know that I have understood, until recently, the importance of knowing that. And what does it mean that I'm a son of God? It means that even though society says I need a tight sixpack and killer tan, I'm still worth something to Him even if I don't have that. It means that even though I didn't get a whole lot accomplished at work, or I don't have a big high paying job in New York, My Father in Heaven still loves me for who I am and what I do. And it means that even though all I did was get after my kids and put them to bed, He trusts me and loves me.

So I'm grateful today that I'm a child of God. It's important for me to recognize that every person I see and meet is also a child of God, whether they believe the same as me or not. Seeing people that way makes me want to be more open and accepting. But that topic is for another day.