Straight or Wavy?

I acted a little weird last night.

Okay, we can escalate that to really weird.

I think last night I was a dealing with a little bit of depression, and almost a bit of self-identity crisis. As I thought about that, I realized a few moments ago that my self esteem, my perception of myself and how happy I am with that, varies. I used to think there's a line, a bar, of what level you like yourself. I like myself, I'm glad I'm me, or I don't. It was a definitive thing that was black and white, and didn't change. I always considered myself on the positive side with good self esteem.

I found today, however, that it isn't so much a bar, but more of a winding road. 

My perception of myself is a fluid thing. It is fragile, egotistical, and powerful. It changes from week to week, day to day, sometimes hour by hour or minute to minute, anchored largely by what others think and say.

Last night I didn't think highly of myself: I haven't exercised in far too long, my hair is thinning out, my awesome tan is almost gone. I wish the list ended there, but it doesn't. I felt like a crappy dad, a worse husband, and wondered what on earth am I doing with my life. I think those thoughts have carried over a little into today- I'm not "comfortable in my own skin" today.

One thing has helped me today, however- I am a son of God.

I grew up singing "I am a Child of God," and it became cliche. I don't know that I have understood, until recently, the importance of knowing that. And what does it mean that I'm a son of God? It means that even though society says I need a tight sixpack and killer tan, I'm still worth something to Him even if I don't have that. It means that even though I didn't get a whole lot accomplished at work, or I don't have a big high paying job in New York, My Father in Heaven still loves me for who I am and what I do. And it means that even though all I did was get after my kids and put them to bed, He trusts me and loves me.

So I'm grateful today that I'm a child of God. It's important for me to recognize that every person I see and meet is also a child of God, whether they believe the same as me or not. Seeing people that way makes me want to be more open and accepting. But that topic is for another day.