Well that made me uncomfortable.

Tonight I had to think.
It wasn't very comfortable.

There are certain movies that are out there that make you think. Now, I'm not referring to some mind-bending sci-fi plot that makes you wonder if you're living inside of a dream; I'm talking about movies that deal with societal issues. They're deep. They're serious. And they make you uncomfortable.

As part of my intercultural communications course, I watched The Help. I thought it was very well done, and enjoyed watching it. It's not exactly the kind of movie I'm going to watch repeatedly every Friday night now, but I'm glad I watched it.

There are so many issues of cultural prejudices that it touched on. I knew going into it that the movie would deal with racism and issues between blacks and whites in the 1960s; what I didn't realize, however, is that it would also deal with social classes, gender, and the elderly. It even touches on same-sex attraction.

I'm not going to explain at length the movie; I'll let you watch it for yourself. I will, however, share my thoughts after watching.

The movie made me uncomfortable, and this is my third time telling you that. Why was it so? Because watching it made me open up and examine my own life. And as much as I like putting on the image of some stellar dude that can do no wrong, I'm not. When I look down deep, and get down and dirty with myself, I realize that I am not as free from racism as I'd like to think I am. I judge people far too often. When dealing with people who speak English as a second language, I'm far too likely to discredit them because of their inability to speak the language. However, when I take the time and make the effort to get to know them, I find bright, talented individuals.I met a man once on a job site who is Russian. His English is terrible, enough that I finally just started texting and emailing him (and yes our communications improved dramatically). There were some problems that arose, and he was the first to offer help and resolution. Through the course of the project, I got to know him a little more, and gained a great respect for him.

Another example that comes to mind is being quick to judge based on class. I've been working on this and am hopefully doing better, but that pride thing is a tough animal to beat. How often do we not want to talk to someone because we have judged their social class? Or as soon as we find out that someone is gay, our skin is crawling til we get out of the room. It sounds awful, but gut check here- has it happened? If that's something you honestly haven't encountered, then kudos to you. The rest of us, however, are still working on it.

Now I'm not calling myself a racist pig here. I honestly believe that I am fairly open minded and I try to be kind to all I meet. But the point I understand tonight is that these are real things, all around us. We didn't beat this in the 60s with the civil rights movement. We didn't beat it in the 80s and 90s with all our fancy legislation. Steps forward? Yes. Improvement? Definitely. But we aren't perfect at it.

I think the key is keeping in mind that people we meet, although they are different from us, are still human beings. They're individuals with talents, desires and a heart of their own.

My resolve is to make a better effort to treat people as, well, people. My resolve is to be less quick to judge, and more quick to get to know someone for who they are. I have repeatedly found in my life that the more I get to know people, the better I like them. Just spend a few minutes on their facebook page, and you'll find that there's a person there worth knowing. So I'm going to get uncomfortable. I'm going to make efforts that I normally wouldn't, I'm going to get to know people, and set aside differences and prejudices.

Go on- get uncomfortable too. You'll be glad you did.

Have you had any uncomfortable experiences? Leave a comment about it, or about your plans to get uncomfortable!

The Point

Wow, that sounds like a good movie title.
Never mind.

My wife was talking to me the other day, and mentioned she felt something was missing in our lives. Now, we are currently staying with my parents temporarily while our house is finished. My first thought was that yes, we are missing something: our own place to live!

Now and again, most people ask the question- what's missing in my life? It's very similar to another question- and often linked- am I missing the point?

I thought about that last night. My career isn't where I want it. My schooling isn't where I want it. Things just aren't working out like I had antipicated. So I ask, what's the point of all this? All the things I've wanted?

So I consider the things I'm working for. As I said, we're building a house, and that is a large part of my hopes and goals. I also would love a hot shot job for a big company. I want a boat. I want to go on vacations. I want to have time with my family. I want, I want, I want!

It's normal, even good, to want something better. If not so, we'd wallow in our sorry state and never progress. But as I look at this list, I realize how pathetic it is. My nice new house is not going to do me any good when I'm 6 feet under, nor is that boat or job.

So what on earth am I working towards in this life? If all those material things aren't lasting, what are the things that matter most?

Scores of conference talks and scriptures address this subject, so I won't even try to be an authority on it. But I will, however, share my feelings and take on it. What matters most is our relationships with others.

I love funerals. There, I said it. They have an incredible way of bringing you back down, putting you in your place and giving a clear perspective on life. And they motivate you to be someone better than you are.

In a book I recently read, it went in great detail to a young man's funeral after he took his own life. What impressed me was how no one spoke of his fancy job or car, or the sweet condo he had in San Francisco. Rather, they talked about personal interactions with him, and the effect of his influence.

This is what matters. Everyday relationships. The car, house, boat, job... mean nothing. But when I reach out and help mow a widow's lawn, or visit a friend who is sick, or  whatever else I may choose to do, I am suddenly doing something that will make a difference.

Would it be nice to have a boat? Sure. An expensive sports car would also be a dream come true. But the best place to be is using what we have been given to bless, lift and enrich the lives of others. I hope I can do better getting there.

Straight or Wavy?

I acted a little weird last night.

Okay, we can escalate that to really weird.

I think last night I was a dealing with a little bit of depression, and almost a bit of self-identity crisis. As I thought about that, I realized a few moments ago that my self esteem, my perception of myself and how happy I am with that, varies. I used to think there's a line, a bar, of what level you like yourself. I like myself, I'm glad I'm me, or I don't. It was a definitive thing that was black and white, and didn't change. I always considered myself on the positive side with good self esteem.

I found today, however, that it isn't so much a bar, but more of a winding road. 

My perception of myself is a fluid thing. It is fragile, egotistical, and powerful. It changes from week to week, day to day, sometimes hour by hour or minute to minute, anchored largely by what others think and say.

Last night I didn't think highly of myself: I haven't exercised in far too long, my hair is thinning out, my awesome tan is almost gone. I wish the list ended there, but it doesn't. I felt like a crappy dad, a worse husband, and wondered what on earth am I doing with my life. I think those thoughts have carried over a little into today- I'm not "comfortable in my own skin" today.

One thing has helped me today, however- I am a son of God.

I grew up singing "I am a Child of God," and it became cliche. I don't know that I have understood, until recently, the importance of knowing that. And what does it mean that I'm a son of God? It means that even though society says I need a tight sixpack and killer tan, I'm still worth something to Him even if I don't have that. It means that even though I didn't get a whole lot accomplished at work, or I don't have a big high paying job in New York, My Father in Heaven still loves me for who I am and what I do. And it means that even though all I did was get after my kids and put them to bed, He trusts me and loves me.

So I'm grateful today that I'm a child of God. It's important for me to recognize that every person I see and meet is also a child of God, whether they believe the same as me or not. Seeing people that way makes me want to be more open and accepting. But that topic is for another day.

Interpersonal Communication on the web

I took an interpersonal communications class while working on my bachelor's degree . I loved the class, learned a lot, and had such a great experience that I want to teach it myself. We learned a lot about nonverbal communication, emotions and their effect on communication, and much more. But not once did I ever stop to think about my interpersonal communications that take place online each and ever day. Well, now I’m starting to think twice about it.

While obviously very different, I can’t help but feel that interpersonal communications online are very real and present. Being in an online program, I can definitely attest to their reality! Many of the challenges of face-to-face communications are thankfully removed- when I’m online, I don’t need to worry about my hair, how I look, or if I happened to leave my zipper undone. I’m also not judging the other person by their appearance. It’s a different ballgame, but the end results can be just as rewarding.

One of the major concerns with computer-mediated communication (CMC) is the potential lack of personalization. I have seen it myself- rather than looking at a person, we’re looking at an inanimate object, this object that we own, and it is sometimes hard to keep things personalized. There will probably always be things that will be impersonal- today, for example, I signed up for Pandora Radio (which, by the way, I highly recommend!). It was an automatic, impersonal thing. But that’s okay; when I need to have interpersonal communications, I am able to easily if I choose to do so. Let me explain through a couple of examples just how interpersonal communication can work online.

I went to BYU-Idaho for my BA in communication. Rather than a community college where locals are the majority, the dynamic of the school is such that students come from all around the country to attend. I myself was 7 hours from home (my record was a 6 hour drive). While it brought in diversity, it also made things difficult when graduation time came. Rather than going home a few blocks away, my friends ended up across the country. Under normal circumstances, that’s the end of a friendship, right? Not exactly. Through CMC, I have been able to keep in contact with those close friends. We email regularly, are friends on FaceBook, and text message each other often. We update family blogs, keep up on the news, and are able to maintain our friendships. Our pre-existing, face-to-face relationships have been strengthened through CMC.

I had another interesting experience this summer in my COML 508 course. During our last assignment, we were placed in teams and had to come up with a major project. I was put with three other individuals I had never met before. We had replied to a couple of posts, but had never enjoyed that face-to-face, interpersonal relationship. While working on that project, however, I developed a great friendship with those teammates. We joked, struggled, and worked together- all in an online environment. We did reach the point that we needed some phone conferences to finalize things, but the majority of our relationships were formed online.

Things have to change a bit. When building relationships through CMC, you have to think a little about what you’re saying. You have very few ways to show who you are online, and your words speak the loudest (for some to their favor, for others not so much). There are language adaptations that need to take place. You'll note throughout my blog that I often place side comments in parenthesis (it's a way I have developed to showing an off-hand remark I might have made had I been in person). People often use emoticons to show emotions, as many jokes have gone wrong online where there is no non-verbal communication to show it was a joke ;) Emoticons began in the 1980s for that specific purpose (Mohun, 2002). Because so many jokes were being taken the wrong way, Scott Fahlman suggested they use :-) to show pleasure, and :-( to show displeasure (Lowe, 2003). It worked, and has spread like wildfire across the internet. I find myself using them most often in text messages to be sure the short message I send carries the right emotion.

So, in short, interpersonal communication is possible on the web. Sure it needs to be adapted and isn't perfect. No communication is. But we do at least have one more medium available to communicate and develop relationships.

Sources:
Lowe, Richard (2003). A Brief History Of Smiley's. Retrieved January 23, 2009, from http://www.nerdtimes.com/emoticons/.
Mohun, Sam (2002). Emoticons. Retrieved January 23, 2009 from http://www.guardian.co.uk/news/2002/sep/19/netnotes.

Some people go through a lot of toilet paper, some go through a lot of milk... We go through a lot of cars. Since we have been together (January 2006) we have gone through 12 cars. Yup! And no, we do not always turn a profit...

When I met my wife, I had a 1997 Dodge Stratus (the White Stallion), and she had a little 2000 Chevy Cavalier named Martin. We mostly drove my car, because I drove everywhere. We sold that Stratus in March 06 so we could afford to get married. Everyone kept telling us that we only needed one car once we were married. Unfortunately we believed them.

White Stallion

Martin

In July 2006 we traded in Martin for Elizabeth, a 2000 VW Jetta. We wanted a car with 4 doors in the event we had children.

Elizabeth

A month or two after we bought the Jetta, we realized the engine might have some issues. Plus we felt guilty having a nice car like that while we were poor college students, so we sold it. We also decided we needed two cars instead of one nice one. Thence came Brandon and Rachel (the cars, not the kids!)

Brandon

Brandon was a 1991 Toyota Truck. What a beloved member of the family! Rachel was a 1994 Honda Accord.

Rachel, Christmas Day, 2006.
We came home from a couple of days away and the Scotts had lovingly decorated it with snow...

On August 28, 2006 we found out we were expecting the real Rachel Brooke.We decided we had gone a little overboard getting something not as fancy, so we put both cars up for sale. The truck sold first (unfortunately) so we kept the Honda. I went off to Pocatello and brought home Fran, our 2000 Oldsmobile Alero.

Fran

Fran was good to us, and brought home Rachel to us. While I has been satisfied with many other cars since, Michelle still longs for the days of good old Fran.

In the June of 2007, we decided to trade Fran in. The transmission was starting to slip, and that worried us (no, the idea of just fixing a car never occurred to us!). So we traded it in and bought a 2003 Mazda 6 which we called Roxy. She was one of my favorites!

Roxy

And then the snow fell, and the car slid all over the place. Again, it never occurred to us to get snow tires... So In October 2007 we traded Roxy in, to my great dismay. I still talks of Roxy to this day...

By that time we were expecting Brandon, and were worried about having enough room to travel, so we bought a 2003 Kia Sedona named Paddington.

Paddington

We bought it on Saturday, and by Monday went back to the dealership. I just didn't feel right about it, so we traded it in and got a 2006 Dodge Stratus. We call it Zak.

Zak

We moved in with Ben's grandparents in March 2008. It was fine at first, until the driveway suddenly became a lake... Apparently Zak can't swim, so he got stuck. See any contrast between the two pictures?

After we got our tax rebate for 2007, we had an opportunity come up that we couldn't pass up, so along came our 1999 Oldsmobile Alero. We figured we had already bought our 2nd Stratus, so why not our 2nd Alero? Poor thing... he never got named.

The unnamed 99 Alero

After Brandon came, we decided that we could use the money rather than having two cars (moving is expensive!) so we sold our unnamed friend.

After I got his job at Thrifty, we decided to get a 2nd car. With me in Spokane with the car every day, it was a tough act to juggle when doctor appointments and whatever came along. So, after an extended amount of searching, we came home with Jedediah, our 2002 VW Jetta.

Jedediah the Jetta

So, I'm noticing a pattern in our Jettas... This one turned out to have some major issues, so we canceled the deal two days after purchase and got our check back. We went to my work and bought a 2007 Chevrolet Cobalt, named Colbie.

Colbie the Cobalt

Colbie is great. We get 44 MPG on the freeway (in the 60 MPH zone) and 38 when going 75MPH. With my commute being a half hour each way, we've seen a huge drop in our gas bill.

Now you can see why we're proud of ourselves that we've had Zak the Stratus for a whole year now!

Of course, all that will change in January...

Love and War

I was reading a classmate's post, and came across this video (thanks, Leslie!). It really hit me, and I wanted to share it with you.



Overall, really, I felt the clip was very well done.

I had to laugh as I was reading some comments people made about the video. The top complaints were probably about the language and the animals. I thought the animals were weird at first, but heck, we watch movies about animals all the time!

When I was watching the clip, the language barrier was not an issue. No, I don't speak Italian. Perhaps that's whats so great about it; I had to improvise my own words. The story was well guided enough, and I knew what was happening and the gist of the situations. But it became a little more personal for me because I was able to have the characters say in my mind what I wanted them to.

There were some comments also about how predictable the whole thing was. Okay, yeah, so it's this war movie, captain falls in love and goes off to war. So what? Do we always have to have some sort of twist to the plot, some unexpected scenario? Instead, can't we focus on the morals of the story, on how this applies to us? Of course we have seen this story before- it's taken out of history! Let's take a moment and appreciate and learn from what happened.

I find that there's this inner black hole that we get stuck in sometimes, where everything is focused on ourselves. I've been thinking more and more lately about how I need to focus more on others than myself. It's not easy to do, but I feel that it is a change that needs to happen in all of us.

So what does this have to do with the video? I guess this brought out the point out all the more. There are some tough things that happen, and if we open our eyes a little more we can see it. This poor bunny lost her partner, who gave his life for his country. Okay, yeah, this is a cartoon; that doesn't make it any less real that this really happens today. I have a good friend down the street who lost his leg and has terminal cancer. My manager at work has been in and out of the hospital over the last month because of thyroid and heart problems. Do we see these things happening around us? If so, what are we doing about it? It's time to pull out of our selfish black hole and start making a difference. God intended it to be that way. He has asked us to step up and be His hands; I hope I can do a better job of it.

Communities, Chat, and News

I definitely believe that it is possible to form an online community. This class is perfect evidence to me of that! I have had a great time getting to know my classmates, and just like any scene, I know some fairly well and others not at all. The smaller class size definitely helps too. I find that the online communities are just like real life- it is real easy to be reclusive and not get to know anyone. On the other hand, with a little bit of work, you can get to know more people and really enjoy it!

I had a fun chat with Mary Pyefinch. We had been in a class before, but I didn't get the chance to know her very well, so this was a good experience. I felt bad because a) I have had very little experience in the chat rooms and b) my only experience with British Humor is Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Oops, sorry Mary! It was a good experience though- in a discussion forum the focus is on the matter at hand. In a chat situation, however, it's easy to ask a couple of quick questions and get to know what you really want to know. Thanks for the experience Mary- sorry I had to leave so quick! We'll have to chat some more later.

News and media... I know that they are somewhat controlled, but I'm okay with that. Lately I've really been into talk radio. I am a definite Glenn Beck fan, although I can't always catch his program. Is his "news" biased? Yeah. But I as a listener want that. Don't we all want to hear the things that support our views, so we seek out the news and media to support it.

I really appreciate Romano's question he posed when we're reading or hearing news: "If my life depended on proving the claims I've just read, how could I or anyone else do it?" While I'm enjoying a news program or checking out MSNBC, I need to ask myself that a little more often. Are the arguments being made sound? Does it all check out? If not, why am I reading it?

Saturday Afternoon Fever

So, it's my first Saturday Afternoon at work, and let's just say there's not much to do! Time to update my blog...

It's been an interesting week. I usually get really sick once a year; well, it's happening now! I haven't felt right for about a week now. On Tuesday I left early because I was running a fever, which continued off and on through Thursday. A nasty cough developed too, which is no fun at all.

Michelle also went down this week- guess who has mono? I feel so bad for her; she's had something major going on health-wise for quite some time now. Shortly after we got married we found out she had a thyroid condition. Then she was pregnant with Rachel, then Brandon three months later. Just when she was starting to feel good again, she broke her foot, and now mono... All she wants to do is exercise every day, but it looks like it won't be that simple!

I guess with Michelle and I not feeling well, the kids felt they needed to join in on the fun. Rachel has been doing some major teething, with at least three coming in, probably four. Let's just say that while she is an absolute sweetheart, she has had some grumpy moments lately! She had a fever of 101 on Sunday, meaning she probably had something else that was making her life miserable.

Brandon has been great- except he had some shots on Thursday, and felt he had to join the fever party. He ran a really high fever which didn't break until yesterday evening, and now it comes and goes. He was pretty miserable, and Michelle had a long day yesterday taking care of him. He's a little touchy now, but overall is pretty happy and well.

It's been interesting to see how the kids have handled the sickness. Rachel just wants to be held all the time, which is very different from her active lifestyle of running all around our home. It has been difficult to calm Brandon down- he just screams and screams. He decided to scream for over 40 minutes last night, not just the baby cry, but a real, pitiful cry. It's very frustrating! We ran out of Motrin, and the Tylenol just doesn't touch it. Needless to say, we went and bought some Motrin this morning- this time the big bottle.

Through these times I have learned a little more what an amazing woman I have married. Although she feels downright awful a lot of the time, Michelle does such a great job taking care of the kids. She spent most of the night on the couch last night with Brandon, and just does anything to take care of these little ones. I'm trying to dote on her a little more today so that she has some time to herself. We'll see if it helps.

Back in action

I originally created this blog back in 2006 for a class. However, I forgot my username and password when I ended the class. I finally figured it out (after remembering I even have a blog..) and here I am again!

Except, I have homework to do, so I'm not going to post anything!

Finding Love and Forgiveness in the Workplace

From class Tuesday, Jan 16, 2007:

I really gained a lot from our discussions on Tuesday. Sometimes it seems that everything in the world is teaching the same subject; this week's subject seems to be teams. The neat thing is that I'm finding a lot of applications to the things I've been learning.

It was interesting to discuss "love" in an organization. I thought about the different forms of management that are around. From personal experience, the carrot dangling isn't always effective. I worked construction last semester, and we had a bonus system. We could have ended up with a few thousand dollars, but... Bonuses are sweet, but it's tough to stay constantly motivated.

Whipping into shape doesn't work well for me either. I remember working on my Eagle, and I was not allowed to get my drivers license until I got my badge. Oh, how I kicked and screamed and hated life. As a result of my miserable life, my parents' lives were also miserable to a certain extent as well. I remember another time that we had moved just before my senior year of high school. I was definately bitter about it, and resolved to get in my car and move back. My mom didn't like that, and told me flat out that the title was in her name, and that if I left she would call the cops on me for auto theft. I was trapped, and it was not pleasant. Once again, I made life unbearable for my parents. It took some time to change my attitude and come around. Force may work at times, but it does have its costs.

Putting a blinder on.... well, in theory it should work, right? I have a few issues with that, however. What would have happened if blinders had been placed on Adam and Eve? They would have been forced to be righteous, and as a result, they'd probably still be in the garden and we wouldn't be here! Ultimately, putting blinders on removes choice and accountability, and we know that without choices we are nothing. Clearly that's not the way to go either.

That leaves us with what? Love. Charity. Kindness. It's a fairly new idea to me to include those concepts in the workplace, but it makes perfect sense. What makes Stephen Covey so successfull? He's applying gospel principles without saying what they are. So why can't we be successful as well, and just apply our religion to our lives? When someone loves you and honestly wants to help you, barriers are broken down and people are much more willing to cooperate.

Also, where is forgiveness in the workplace? Love and forgiveness go hand in hand, do they not? We need to be more understanding of people's mistakes, and be more like our Savior when working with others. This includes seeing people as who they really are- God's children- and not just as some object or thing.

If we'll incorporate these principles- love, forgiveness, understanding and kindness- we'll see a change in our lives, as well in the lives of those around us. People will be more willing to help and work with us, and we'll be closer to our Savior in the end as well.

Lessons in Leadership

The best lessons I've had in leadership have come from experiences in my mission and marriage. They sound like generic things, but they have both been powerful experiences that forced me to be a leader.

My mom has always been an incredible communicator, and I have learnded a lot through her patient example. Also, I am constantly amazed at the General Authorities and how they're able to teach the people of the world so effectively, which is no small task!

I've been part of countless organizations. First came family. Boy scouts, cub scouts, church, schools, choirs, service clubs, missions, Macey's food and drug, Shopko, Tom Addis Ford, BYU-Idaho Career Services and Human Resources, and now also my own family. The list is endless as we are always part of one organization or another.

My experiences in these have taught me to be a much better person. I've learned hard work and integrity, coupled with cheerfulness. Ultimately, my participation has taught me to be who I am today.

I believe that the traditional American hotdog is best when covered in ketchup, mustard, and sweet relish. There is nothing better that relish can be on. Now, if you add chilli and cheese and sour cream on top.... words can't describe what a beautiful thing that can be!

I have moved probably around 11 times since birth, excluding my mission. I was born in Blackfoot, and moved to Sandy and then Riverton, Utah. At the end of my junior year, my family moved to Coeur d'Alene, Idaho (no, I was not happy!). I now obviously live here in Rexburg where my wife and I go to school.

I am really proud of the changing table that I built for my wife for Christmas. I took her brother's old desk and totally refinished it, which I hadn't really done before. I never even really saw a baby changing table but knew what it was and went to work. It turned out great.

I am really interested in working for the church in some form or another. I would love to work here at BYU-Idaho (which is probably in part because I work for the Human Resource Dept.) I am interested in human resource management, and would like to learn more about exactly what organizational consulting really is.

As far as goals are concerned, for a short term goal I just want to get through my wife's pregnancy and still make it through school as well. I also want to be totally debt free within 3 years and be preparing to buy a house.

This is me!

Hello everyone! Ben and Michelle are now gone worldwide!

Here's a little about us. We met Winter semester '06 at BYU-Idaho. We went on our first date January 28 and we have seen or talked to eachother every day since! It wasn't long before we knew it was right, so we were engaged on February 28. We were then married April 28, 2006 in the Bountiful, Utah temple.

We are still living in Rexburg, Idaho. Michelle graduates in April '07 with a BS in University Studies; Ben is working on a BS in Communication and will finish July 08.

Little Rachel Brooke is preparing to make her big debut on May 4, and her parents couldn't be happier! Their world revolves around the unborn princess!